A few months ago I read Mindy Kaling’s book, “Is Everyone hanging out Without Me”. It wasn’t really for me. I felt it was geared more for younger teenage girls in high school, but I don’t regret reading it because I got to learn about the life of Mindy Kaling. Mindy is a funny comedian that I have seen on television and said to myself several times “Hmm it’s so refreshing to see a brown girl on mainstream TV. Who is she and how did she get here?” Well now I know.

Anyway Mindy has this chapter where she talks about the difference between Men and Boys! When I read that chapter I realized I have been dating boys and I had never EVER dated a man. So according to Mindy boys are insecure, don’t make plans, have inner monologues out loud, have no direction and are generally broke.

Men are secure, make concrete plans, are responsible, know what they want, have real furniture and don’t talk about their dreams but actually makes s*** happen. “Men don’t let you in on their inner monologue so you have absolutely no idea what they are thinking”. How scary.

I realize that if I dated a man I would probably be intimidated by him. Suddenly I made it my mission to find a man to date.

Fast forward a few months later….

Boom, dated a man and it was the scariest thing I have ever done. First of all I realized that a man is way more than Mindy described. I mean here is a guy who I say “let’s just be friends” and he’s confident enough to pursue friendship anyway (this of course led to romance).

Here is a man who leaves absolutely no room for doubts about his feelings towards me but just expresses them fully and freely. Here is a man who from the moment I met him laid out his intention towards me so clearly I was caught off-guard. You can imagine the shock that I experienced after dating boys for so long dating a man was super scary at first but after a while it all became comfortable.

I started to think “Why have I been tolerating less than this?” Dating a man, a real man, conditions your expectations so that you can no longer tolerate a boy.

I look at boys now and I’m disappointed at myself. What did I see in that? Then I have to remember I didn’t know any better then.

When you know better you do better. I’m doing better now. Ow.





  1. January 5, 2016 / 9:59 am

    I feel really glad to hear stories of people picking better friends/girl,/boy friends for themselves. I don’t know you but I’m happy for you for knowing what you want and focusing on it till it became real. Bravo!

    • January 5, 2016 / 5:34 pm

      Yes it is great when you can surround yourself with good people and when you have a life partner who loves you well.

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