I said “Its over” and immediately regretted it. I had just broken up with a man I was with for 5 years. My college sweetheart who at one point I knew I would have a future with. What the hell did I just do? At the time it felt like ripping open my heart. In the weeks and months to follow I wrestled with the possibility that I had let go of something great, something I could not get back. I had this lingering deep fear that somehow I would not meet someone who cared about me or could understand me the way he did. I had to some how deconstruct the idea that my Ex was the ONLY man in the world for me and that I was destined to a life of loneliness without him.

Reflecting back, breaking up with my Ex was the best thing I could have done for both of us. It had to happen. The relationship was dysfunctional. Neither of us were happy and the only reason we were still together was because we had been together for so long neither of us wanted to “waste” the time that we had already invested. In reality this is absolutely ridiculous because the more time we stayed together, ultimately, the more time we “wasted”.

4 years later I am happier and I am guessing he is too. It took me a long time to accept the end of the relationship even though I had been the one who ended it, which is something that I did not expect. How do you get over the negative feelings of doubt and insecurity post break up?

Of course it’s different for everyone but here are the ways I did it and if you are on the emotional roller coaster that is a break up, this is how you get off.



You should have no pictures and no images of the person in your phone, desk and home. Un-friend/follow him/her on Facebook; Instagram and all social media. Or at least stop their notifications. Get rid of the gifts that he/she gave you and any sentimental items.

2. Tell Friends and Family about the Break up

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You might not want to talk about it immediately but the sooner you talk about it the sooner it gets real. Plus you don’t want your friends to keep asking about your Ex all the time. Just let them know its over. Get all the details out and try not to have every conversation with your best friends revolve around him/her or the situation.

3. Start a New Hobby

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Start a new hobby or a new activity to take the place of the time you would have spent with him/her. This is the time to occupy yourself with activity so that you don’t spend your free time reminiscing on the old relationship. You can also start working out more, spending more time with your family or start taking a class.

4. Focus on Your Career.

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If you can stay late at the  office to work to get more stuff done, do it.  If you can pick up an extra shift at work, do it. If you can use the additional time to work on your business, do it. Focus on your career as much as you can while you have this extra time on your hands.

5. Avoid Spending Time with Your Ex

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If you are serious about wanting to get over them why are you still hanging out? Don’t try to fall back into a bad situation. When you do have contact with your Ex again allow it to be after a significant amount of time has passed. It should only be for closure reasons and should not become a regular occurrence. When tempted to get back with your Ex, remind yourself of why you broke up in the first place.


In addition to the tips I have mentioned above please remember that even though it might not immediately feel right chances are if you are at the point of a break up it probably is the right thing to do. Focus your attention on yourself. For once you can love on you and you only. Pamper yourself and figure out again who you are minus your Ex.

I hope this helps you or someone you know. If you have any additional tips please comment below.




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